A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo.

The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail . . .

A visitor touring the churches around Port Townsend noticed a white telephone in the Presbyterian church with a sign which read "Calls to Heaven $3000".   The Lutheran church, the Baptist and Methodist churches  --- all had the same white phone with the sign: "Calls to Heaven $3000".   When the visitor stopped by St. Paul's he looked for the phone and sure enough there was the white phone.   But this time the sign read "Calls to Heaven 35 cents".  Surprised, the visitor asked why the difference in cost of the phone call.   Our parishioner smiled and explained: "At St. Paul's it's a local call".

Church Signs

Have you ever been driving down the road at 50 or 60 mph, passed a church and tried to read the sign out front? Here are a few that a friend sent to me. Some may sound funny, corny, or serious, but they are always carry a good message for one liners.

• Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
• The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
• Under same management for over 2000 years.
• Soul food served here.
• Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!
• Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!
• Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church
• Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
• Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!
• Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.

Top 10 Reasons to be an Episcopalian

(from the comedian Robin Williams, who is an Episcopalian, on a HBO special)

    10. No snake handling.
    9. You can believe in dinosaurs.
    8. Male and female God created them; male and female we ordain them.
    7. You don't have to check your brains at the door.
    6. Pew aerobics.
    5. Church year is color-coded.
    4. Free wine on Sunday.
    3. All of the pageantry - none of the guilt.
    2. You don't have to know how to swim to get baptized.

    And the Number One reason to be an Episcopalian:

    1. No matter what you believe, there's bound to be at least one other Episcopalian who agrees with you.

10 THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR IN CHURCH

    1.  Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

    2.  I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

    3.  Personally, I find the Eucharist much more enjoyable than golf.

    4.  I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to give to TV evangelists.

    5.  I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the little kids Sunday School class.

    6.  Forget the diocese minimum salary, let's pay our Priest so he/she can live like we do.

    7.  I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

    8.  Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

    9.  Rev., we would like to send you to a Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

    10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

    TEN. One to change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

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The Lighter Side of Talking to God

    A man walking on the beach was deep in prayer. Then God spoke to him saying that because he had always been faithful, one wish would be granted to him.

    The man said he wanted a bridge to Hawaii so he could drive there. God said his materialistic wish was too difficult and it would take too many natural resources, and that he should think of another wish.

    The man thought for a time, then said he wished that he could understand his wife, know her feelings, what she wants, and why she gives him the silent treatment and says nothing is wrong.

     The Lord thought, then replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

Adam's Underwear

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out..
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think
it's Adam's underwear!'